Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers

Frankel begins by advising readers not to assume that every mistake outlined in the book applies to them equally. Women often judge themselves too harshly, and self-awareness is key to making meaningful changes. She encourages readers to reflect on their behaviors, understand why they act a certain way, and recognize that their habits stem from social conditioning rather than a lack of intelligence or capability. Many women unknowingly engage in behaviors that hinder their careers simply because they were raised to be polite, accommodating, and relationship-focused—traits that, while valued in childhood, do not necessarily serve them well in professional environments.

Frankel explains that from a young age, women receive messages reinforcing the idea that success is tied to being likable, soft-spoken, and nonconfrontational. These expectations persist into adulthood, shaping workplace behavior in ways that often undermine professional growth. Even women raised with messages of empowerment face societal pushback when they exhibit confidence or assertiveness, often being labeled as aggressive or difficult. As a result, many women conform to outdated stereotypes, which limits their potential. She argues that while gender bias in the workplace is real, dwelling on it is counterproductive. Rather than using these barriers as an excuse, women should recognize the professional realities they face and take strategic steps to overcome them.

The chapter highlights that women across different cultures make similar career-limiting mistakes, even if their intensity varies. Frankel attributes this to deep-rooted socialization that discourages women from embracing behaviors necessary for career advancement. She uses the example of Susan, a procurement manager in a Fortune 100 oil company, to illustrate how even an experienced, competent professional can unknowingly project a “nice girl” image. Susan’s soft-spoken demeanor, head tilts, and tentative language made her seem less authoritative, preventing colleagues from seeing her as executive material. Despite her qualifications, she wasn’t taken seriously for leadership roles because she had unknowingly reinforced the perception of herself as supportive rather than assertive.

Frankel makes it clear that moving beyond the “nice girl” mindset does not mean abandoning kindness or becoming overly aggressive. Success requires a balance and women who rely solely on being nice without developing assertiveness, strategic communication, and confidence will struggle to reach their full potential. 

To help readers assess their starting point, Frankel includes a “Nice Girls Self-Assessment” (7), which measures behaviors across different categories, including how women play the game, act, think, brand themselves, communicate, present themselves, and respond to situations. The results guide readers toward areas needing improvement. She also introduces the concept of Unconscious Competence, explaining how behavior changes progress from being unaware of self-defeating habits to actively correcting them until they become second nature.

Recognizing that personal growth can be uncomfortable, Frankel addresses the fear many women feel when stepping into their power. Women are often conditioned to put others' needs before their own, making them hesitant to assert themselves. She emphasizes that claiming space and advocating for oneself is not about taking something from others—it’s about reclaiming what is rightfully theirs. Resistance from colleagues, friends, or even family members is expected, as people are often invested in maintaining the status quo. However, women must push past this discomfort and commit to changing their behaviors to achieve long-term success.

Frankel closes the chapter with practical coaching tips to help readers begin their transformation. These include giving themselves permission to break free from outdated behaviors, visualizing their future success, countering negative self-talk, using mental strategies like a “Plexiglas shield” to deflect negativity, and proactively shaping their professional reputation. She encourages readers to take small, consistent steps rather than overwhelming themselves with too many changes at once.

Frankel discusses how many women fail to recognize that the workplace operates as a competitive game with specific rules, strategies, winners, and losers. Women often approach work as a collaborative effort rather than a competition, leading them to unintentionally put themselves at a disadvantage. Frankel highlights that while women excel in emotional intelligence (EQ), they frequently misunderstand workplace dynamics, which limits their success.

The chapter outlines 18 common mistakes women make in their professional lives, starting with pretending the workplace isn’t a game. Many women believe that working hard and being nice are enough, while men understand the importance of strategic play. Women also tend to play too safely, staying well within boundaries instead of taking calculated risks that could help them advance. Frankel warns that rules and expectations differ for men and women, particularly for women of color, who often face additional scrutiny when asserting themselves.

Another major mistake is dancing around pregnancy; women worry about how their employers will perceive them, while men freely announce impending fatherhood without fear of judgment. Frankel advises women to manage expectations early and assert their commitment to work. She also emphasizes that networking is essential, yet many women hesitate to build professional connections, mistakenly seeing it as self-serving. Similarly, women are often over-mentored but under-sponsored, meaning they receive advice but lack advocates who actively promote their careers.

Frankel challenges the belief that working hard alone leads to promotions. She argues that relationship-building, strategic thinking, and visibility are just as important. Many women keep their heads down, avoiding workplace politics, while men use informal conversations and connections to get ahead. Additionally, women tend to do the work of others, taking on extra responsibilities rather than delegating effectively, which leads to burnout without career rewards.

Women also fall into the trap of working without breaks, believing that constant effort will be recognized, when in reality, it often makes them appear overwhelmed rather than competent. 

Another common mistake is being too naïve, assuming that fairness and hard work will naturally lead to success. Frankel warns that women must be more aware of hidden workplace dynamics and learn to advocate for themselves. She also discusses financial frugality at work, noting that many women hesitate to spend company resources on legitimate business expenses, which can make them seem less authoritative. Similarly, women often wait to be given raises and promotions, as they assume their efforts will be noticed instead of actively asking for what they deserve. Avoiding office politics is another mistake—while women may view workplace maneuvering as unethical, Frankel argues that politics is simply about building relationships and influence.

Lastly, women tend to act as the workplace conscience, speaking out against unfairness at personal cost, and protecting difficult colleagues, rather than distancing themselves from toxic coworkers. Many also hesitate to speak up in meetings, as they fear being seen as aggressive, while men confidently assert their opinions. Frankel advises women to practice speaking up, networking, and recognizing that using relationships is not manipulation but a necessary career strategy.

Throughout the chapter, she provides coaching tips for each mistake, urging women to understand workplace dynamics, take strategic risks, advocate for themselves, and develop a competitive mindset.