Lead from the Outside: How to Build Your Future and Make Real Change

“I was afraid that outside the comfort of my black women’s college, I would prove all those who had looked down on me correct […] Because at twenty, I had fully internalized all the ‘-isms’ that taught me to strive but not exceed my limits.”

In a moment of vulnerability, Abrams admits to a fear of having to compete with people who didn’t look like her and who didn’t believe she belonged. Abrams notes that this fear came from the social conditioning of her environment—racism, sexism, and classism—that became part of her thinking and deterred her from trusting in her power.

“This book is for the outsider looking for the magic decoder ring for how to gain and hold power. But let’s be clear—there isn’t one.”

The use of the word “magic” highlights a potential reader’s desire to find easy avenues to power and instantaneous solutions for obstacles. Abrams says, simply, that there is no such magical remedy, especially not for people outside of established systems who must fight their way in. The book’s tips, examples, and worksheets will help readers help themselves.

“If I want too much, will I be able to do it? And the quieter question, what if too many people notice that I’m good at this? Being afraid of success is a real fear too.”

Abrams uses these questions to exemplify fearful thinking. The “I” stands in for her and for the reader who hesitates to aim high, not just because they might not reach their lofty goal, but also because, if they reached it, their success would become hypervisible, and they would likely suffer further scrutiny from their peers and the wider world.

“My responsibility, our responsibility as minority leaders, is to demonstrate to those in power the value in our difference. Minority leaders work to challenge conventional expectations without burying personal identity and cultural distinctiveness.”

Abrams notes that one may be inclined to hide one’s difference just to fit in, but she instead advocates for letting one’s difference shine. Abrams’s change of pronoun here—from singular to plural, my to our—underscores her belief in the value of all voices, especially those of different racial, ethnic, and socioeconomic backgrounds. She argues that bringing this diversity of experience to the table is an asset that can challenge the status quo.

“In my campaign for governor of Georgia, former colleagues have questioned how ‘black’ I truly am because I did not take on certain issues or do more to disrupt the normal order. […] More than once, I have found myself wondering if I have overcorrected, moving from one stereotype to another: from Shanaynay to Uncle Tom.”

In her new role as minority leader, when she considered adopting a persona that was brash and assertive (as the white male minority leader preceding her), Abrams risked adhering to the stereotype of the loud Black woman, what she calls a Shanaynay character. When she tried to work within the system on her terms, collaborating with Republicans across the aisle for policy-changing decisions, she risked being seen as an acquiescent Black person, an Uncle Tom who fails to advocate for her community. The pressures of public life mount when a leader is a person of color, as they must answer not only to their white superiors and colleagues but to members of their racial/ethnic community.

“Achieving too much creates the responsibility to be the spokesperson for all the people of color or all the women or all of any minority group who aren’t regularly at the table.”

The metaphor of “a seat at the table” refers to a position of authority and influence. When a member of a minority group receives such a seat—one marker of success—there is often only one seat for such a person, and a common fear is realized: they become a “token” individual who stands in for all others like them.

“Self-made is a misnomer, a stand-in for a more complex narrative that includes the ability to work for no pay, to borrow from friends and family, to experiment and fail without falling too far.”

The descriptor “self-made” suggests that one has achieved their level of success without assistance. This belies one’s privilege, underestimating the influence of access, information, and opportunity on one’s achievements. Abrams argues that these privileges are a safety net that allows one to act boldly without the prohibitive fear of failure.

“[F]rom affirmative action in education to hard quotas in organizations, the stigma of only being allowed inside because of difference yields a completely separate challenge. The quality of our work is questioned, our intellectual capacity doubted, and our success takes on the patina of illegitimacy.”

Abrams addresses the stigma associated with taking on opportunities offered specifically to members of minority groups. Not only does the shame or embarrassment of the stigma discourage an individual from accepting benefits such as affirmative action, but once that barrier is crossed and the individual is hired, they may face the prejudices of their peers, who contest the individual’s capacity to do the work. In this light, while their success is hard-won, they suffer social costs of accepting the position.

“Don’t be prideful. Be opportunistic. […] Opportunistic can mean opportunity.”

Abrams addresses the notion that pride may keep people from taking on unpaid or otherwise unglamorous work as a volunteer or an intern. She argues that a shift of perspective is in order, from an attitude of pridefulness to one of opportunism that seeks out and takes full advantage of unconventional opportunities. Occasions to work with people who possess knowledge about an industry or people who make top-level decisions may benefit an individual looking for a way in.

“One curative for the voice of self-doubt is a louder chorus to drown us in praise, encouragement, and support.”

This statement expresses the need for finding a community of well-meaning peers. The voice of doubt is singular and self-centered, but a chorus of trusted family, friends, colleagues, and mentors can put the reader’s situation into perspective when they lose objectivity.

“Too often the idea of a mentor is a self-limiting device that has most of us hunting for someone we’ll never find because of access or because our chosen guide already has a waiting list.”

Abrams highlights another idea that can keep individuals from gaining a seat at the table: They turn to unavailable people for mentorship. Instead, individuals must change their perception of what mentorship might look like to receive the help and support they need to move confidently forward.

“An educated woman, one of the few of my relatives with a college education, [my great-aunt Jeanette] had never quite escaped the deprivation of her upbringing—instead, she’d simply moved down the street. But one day soon, she’d win $5,000 a week for life.”

One’s education does not fully counteract the deprivation of one’s early childhood. Indeed, despite her college degree, Jeanette didn’t move up; she moved laterally. This exhibits the difficulty of socioeconomic mobility when one does not have financial support. Abrams offers the example with an ironic tone, hinting at the seeming inevitability of poverty.

“We’ve been trained to think about money as a forbidden topic, one that only those without it discuss. Yet, we also know money is a vital ingredient to our strongest ambitions.”

For many members of minority groups, money talk is taboo, but to forbid the discussion only perpetuates financial illiteracy. If one cannot sustain themselves and their ambitions without money, it is then necessary to speak up, gaining and sharing knowledge about how best to manage one’s finances in the pursuit of one’s goals.

“Not only must we stop telling ourselves no, we have to internalize our right to make mistakes and to use each error as an entry point to more knowledge.”

Abrams underscores the importance of a positive mindset in recovering from failures. Failure must be part of any story in which effort and adversity are involved. Making mistakes is an opportunity for personal and professional growth along the journey to power.

“Boldness lies not simply in having the thought but in claiming ownership, accepting responsibility for moving it forward, and then dealing with the consequences.”

Abrams argues that to achieve one’s goal, one must be proactive, taking initiative and planning a way forward. With a bold idea comes the necessity for a boldness that sees the idea to completion and that takes responsibility (and credit!) for the outcome.

“[W]hen a minority leader has few weapons in her artillery (little money, limited access to power, a weaker public narrative, etc.), exploiting the situation is itself a potent weapon of the minority.”

Abrams uses the analogy of a war which, like the metaphor of gameplay, refers to the atmosphere of competition between a better-equipped rival and their resourceful opponent. She promotes an unconventional weapon: not money or access but a unique point of view about the battle to be won.

“For most of us, we will always begin several steps behind, outmatched according to the traditional standards.”

Lack of early opportunity means that many people will spend the rest of their personal and professional lives playing catch-up. They may be passed up or discounted for opportunities due to traditional expectations about what upbringing, identity, education, etc. one ought to have to qualify. Abrams encourages these readers to be prepared to explain their strengths and qualifying experiences that can stand in for the conventional requirements.

“[W]hen a woman, a person of color, or a millennial prepares to lead, she can be lulled into believing that the winner will be the resident genius, and the only way the work gets done is alone.”

Like she did with the notion of the self-made success story, Abrams dispels the notion that one must achieve success all alone. There is pressure for women, people of color, and members of other minority groups to have all the answers to justify their place. However, while the pressure is real, the assumptions producing it are false; when leaders win, they do so in and for a collective, within an environment of collaboration.

“[W]hen a belief allows only for a single myopic focus, a solitary filter that has no room for debate, leaders miss the true role of government and of public policy.”

Collaboration and the freedom to debate, to change one’s point of view in the light of new information, are essential for effective leadership and policymaking. Myopic thinking is dangerous because it cannot make room for new ideas, innovation, or diverse opinions; it thus perpetuates the status quo if left unchecked.

“Priorities change, and our most authentic behavior lets us adapt to the new needs, walking away from what was, even if we once gave it top billing.”

This statement is a critique of a “work-life balance” that suggests feverish, inflexible attention to both. With a humorous tone, Abrams encourages readers to be adaptable and to give themselves grace as their personal and professional needs evolve.

“Whenever we reach for more, we begin to juggle what we’re already carrying. The tension mounts, and we all lash out, in our own ways, from time to time; it’s an inevitability.”

Abrams tells her readers that their aspirations may require them to adjust their expectations for what they can reasonably manage and what they can achieve. When they take on too much without planning around their new priorities, they inevitably let something fall by the wayside. They must be honest with themselves and with their peers about what they can do.

“Are you an essential element for success? If so, go all in. If not, go away.”

Abrams uses matter-of-fact language in a jesting tone to force people to consider the kind of leaders they want to be. Leaders understand how to delegate and recognize that there are others on their team with skills they themselves do not possess. If the leader’s skills and knowledge are essential to a favorable outcome, then the leader must show up for their team. However, if the leader’s presence and insistence would become a hindrance, it is best to let the team members do what they do best.

“Power requires a conscious effort on our part to move our own lives to where we want them to be, because we’ve got to move against what historically has been defined as the way we should live our lives or inhabit this space.”

Abrams argues that power does not fall into the laps of those who are lacking certain socioeconomic privileges. People must take direct action to move against limiting notions of personal achievement against the institutional stumbling blocks in their way to move toward their dreams for their lives.